


The Gang's All Here!

by DslayerNitro (ShyChey)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bulges and Nooks, How Do I Tag, Multi, Single Parents, Sorry Not Sorry, Strong Langauge, This Is STUPID, abandoned hemospectrum, ironic fic, poor parenting, sex prolly gonna happen tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:05:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyChey/pseuds/DslayerNitro
Summary: Written for those who enjoy those parent fics for purely ironic purposes. The ancestors are raising their kids in a single parent style. Stay tuned for wacky shenanigans.





	1. School Traffic is a bitch -or- in which Psiionic gets sassy

**Author's Note:**

> Literally embodiment of trash but p funny. enjoy

“Meenah! Feferi! Get yo asses moving girls! We gotta goooooo!” Her Imperial Con…Connie. Your name is stuck as Connie cause your weak ass ancestors caved and gave up claims to the throne. No royal lineage. Not even a royal ass parking space. Bull. Shit.

 

“In a sec mom, hold up!” Meenah yelled back, holding her palm up to her mother. She was quite possibly the only one brave enough to do that. Even the principal seemed scared of her mother, which she got. Bitch got Scaaaaary when she was mad. But she knew how far she could go. “So yeah yeah. Sea, what you have to do is-”

 

Connie did not have patience. What she had was a fucking loud horn on her top of the line SUV. She bared down on it with her elbow and stared out the passenger window, head resting in her hands with a big smirk. She was so proud of how she could one up her daughter.

 

Your name is Siimon. No, not Simon. Fuck your rules. You legally had your name changed from Simon to Siimon as a present to yourself to fuck with society. You’re what most people would call ‘tightly wound’ and what you would call ‘fucking annoyed’ constantly. You’re here picking up your two sons from school, and are being honked at. You will not let this stand.

 

“Fucking cod, Mom! You’re so damn embarrassing.” Meenah said as she climbed in the passenger seat, leaning on her arm to hide her face.

 

“Language young lady.” Connie mocked, smile still on her face.

 

“Mom. Dam is not a fish pun. Not saltwater anyway. Now will you drive us the shell outta here before you do anything else embarrassing?” Meenah asked, already 110% done with her mom’s shit.

 

“Fiiiiine. Can’t ever fuck with…damn…” You turn away from your teenage angst of a daughter to the car in front of you that you planned to drive around. That was, until tall, tall, and handsome stepped out. Damn that buoy went on for daaaays. Then he had two sets of horns! You could drain a man like that dry! Why was he getting out of his car..?

 

Siimon knew a few things from his decently long life. Yellow was his color. He couldn’t sit in the front row at the movies. Duck when entering a building. And that once upon a time, Fuchsia bloods literally owned yellow bloods as fucking batteries. Batteries. With a quick, subtle glow of his eyes and a motion of his hand mimicking an index finger pressing down, which was totally unnecessary, he rolled down the window of the fuchsia blood in the overpriced car. “Why. The fuck. Were you honking at me?” Siimon asked, staring hard behind his prescription bifocals.

 

“Don’t go flattering yourself, Daddy Long Legs. I was getting my daughter to speed her little ass up.” Connie countered, throwing in her best sass as she looked out the window she knew his psionic ass lowered. She knew even more about history than he did, which put her in a weird position of wanting to put him in his place like the past, and being scared as hell of his power here and now. Pissing off a piss blood got yo ass killed, and it would look like an accident.

 

Siimon squinted his eyes as he stared over at Meenah, whom he assumed was the daughter she had mentioned. He noticed a second in the back seat, but she looked…familiar. “Don’t. Do iit. Again. Her Royal Bitchineth.” Siimon said, turning and walking back to his car. A twin-turbo beauty he had since he briefly enrolled in college. Definitely not what a father should be driving. Precisely why he drove it.

 

“Hold yo fucking seahorses!” Connie yelled out the window, wanting to get the guy’s attention. “What the shell did you just call me?” She asked, loud and angry.

 

“A Bitch. Pardon my thpeech impediment, you intolerant bitch.” Siimon said, walking around to open the door for his son Mituna, making sure he was buckled in safely was not something he could trust Sollux with. He kept his face buried in that phone.

 

“I. Did he. I don’t. This motherfucker just.” Connie was flabbergasted, taken aback, fucking confused. She was the Queen around here! Other trolls would cave innately just based on her blood, yet this son of a piss just one upped her!

 

“Tunafish’s dad just called you a biiiitch!” Meenah mocked her mother openly, wooping her hand as she pulled out her phone with the other. “Definitely telling the pod about this!”

 

“Tunafish? Who tha fuck is tunafish?!”

 

“Hey there. Mate. Da fuck you think ya’re doin?” Your name is Duncan. You are a Violet Blooded Fisherman with proud roots in the sea-faring way of life. Your Troll-Scottish accent is thick in every word you say, and you’re damn well proud of it.

 

“Buckling my thon because hith dithability makes it hard for him. Why?” Siimon asked, turning around and stepping just enough to show that is indeed what he was doing. It didn’t happen much anymore, but early on parents were concerned with why he had to get out of his car and walk over to his son’s seat every time he got in. They saw the straps and organized a meeting. Then everyone met Mituna, and low and behold no more meetings, and more apologies than Siimon wanted to hear.

 

“I. No not that you bloke. Sorry. I meant yelling at the la-” Duncan was cut off mid chivalry by the taller yellow-blood’s well timed, perfectly timed actually, counter.

 

“Thorry for what? That my thon ith dithabled?” Siimon asked, taking a couple of brisk steps towards the shorter, if slightly bulkier man. Two seadwellers in the same day? Oh what a time to be alive. He hated the upper class, but he lloovveedd to fuck with them.

 

“Ay that’s not vwhat I meant at all! Your little outburst is-“

 

“Fucking warranted when atholeth like you thart trying to apologize for my thon being who he ith!” Siimon had him. Oh he had him good. He knew this asshole was angry about the way he talked to the ‘Precious Fuchsia’ but that didn’t mean he’d let him know that. Or especially let him use it as a defense.

 

“Psssst. Meenah. Darling. What the fuck is he glubbing on about?” Connie asked her daughter, observing the confrontation with the intensity that others enjoy movies.

 

“Tunafish has a couple screws loose in his helmet. He doesn’t let him keep him down. His dad is pretty defensive over it though.”

 

“I’ll say. Launch the killing blow, Daddy Long Legs.” Connie said, leaning back at smiling at the scene.

 

“Look. Friend. I vwas not trying to offend you, or your son. My beef is vwith you.” Duncan said, looking for some footing for his counter.

 

“And what beef is that, theafood?” Siimon asked, arms crossed over his chest, eyes flashing red and blue lightning as he bared down on the sea-dweller.

 

Duncan took a step back so he wouldn’t get any of those weird eye sparks on his constantly moist skin, less it zap him. He wanted to speak up, but he saw his sons out of the corner of his eye. He was pretty sure he could take him. But if he lost… “Nothing. Havwe a nice day, friend.” Duncan said, marching over to his sons to quickly whisk them away.

 

“Cod. Damn. Meenah, sweetie, do momma a favor.” Connie said, spinning around to look at her daughter, her eyes big and fluttery.

 

“No.” Meenah said without looking up from her phone. Giggling like mad every so often.

 

“I’ll give you fifty boondollars.” Connie countered, knowing bribery was the way to her daughter’s heart.

 

“Fish, please. You know I don’t do nothing for no fifty boondollars.” Meenah said, sounding honestly offended.

 

“One hundred. Last offer.” Connie wasn’t good with money when she really wanted something.

 

“Now you’re talking. Water we doing?” Meenah turned, stuck out her hand, and waited for the dough to flow.

 

Connie licked her lips as she watched the tall psionic psycho climb in his car and speed off. “No we in it, sweetie. I’m doing him.”

 

“Umm. Miss? Oh dear…” Decker’s breathing was heavy and he began to sweat. How long does one wait on a higher blood before honking? It was going on ten minutes…but it didn’t feel like long enough. Oh he was never good at being so rude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I knew, but every time I see 'Duncan' I scream.


	2. Drama follows everyone home -or- In which Connie REELLY wants to get laid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh how I love the black quadrant <3<

“I can’t fucking believe I agreed to this.” Meenah complained as she stomped her way up the walkway. She would’ve been dragging her heels, but these boots were new as fuck so. No.

 

“Well you did. So, you play nice with the fish boy while momma plays naughty with Daddy Long Legs.” Connie said as she stood behind her daughter, hands on her shoulder and a smile that could sell a thousand baked goods at the ready. “Ring the damn doorbell you ornery fish.” She mumbled down to Meenah.

 

Meenah grumbled and rung the doorbell to the Captor Home. One hundred boondollars to ‘hang out’ with Mituna. That was code for ‘keep him occupied while I flirt like a streetwalker’ in her house, or at least it was now.

 

Siimon grumbled as he rolled off the couch. If it was that preacher’s son again he was going to… probably just ignore him to be honest. He could handle a lot of things, be an asshole to a lot of people, but that boy could lecture for six hours on a single breath. It was remarkable. Best to leave that at the door. What he saw instead was a familiar stupid face. He flung the door open exaggeratedly and asked “What the fuck do you…” Siimon was in full attack mode at first, then he noticed the smaller fuchsia blood staring into her phone. “Come to apologize? Cauthe I have a bottle of wine thatth like, older than my thon I will crack open right the hell now if thath what you’re here for.”

 

Your name is My tune. Mithoon. Mituna Captor. That’s it. Mituna Captor. Today is weird. First, your dad yelled at a lady. Then, he yelled at some lady like man. Now, your friend is coming over to hang out with you! That wouldn’t be so weird if you two had ever hung out before. Maybe you did. You don’t remember. Either way, you’re super pumped. To show it, you do what you’ve been told either zero or a thousand times before to never do. You’re gonna skateboard through the house.

 

“Not quite, sweetheart.” Connie was about to explain why she was here, when she heard an awful crash. Everyone’s attention shifted inside.

 

On the floor Mituna was a crumbled mess, face buried in the carpet and leg thrown out on the table, arm under the couch. Just the typical way he gets around. “HI MEENAH!” He shouted, shoving up his free arm to wave.

 

“No.” Siimon said, terror slowly creeping into his face when he realized what was happening. Connie was the biggest bitch at the school. She was proud of it. People knew her, and by extent they knew her kids. Mainly because to embarrass her kid was to bring shame on her family, and she was a tiger-fish mom. If Mituna knew Meenah.

 

“Yes.” Connie said with a smirk, attention refocused on… shit. She didn’t even know his name… Daddy Long Legs would work fine. Even if she would have to shorten it a bit.

 

“Hey Tunafish.” Meenah said, stepping past Siimon to walk inside and help Mituna off the floor. She then proceeded to dust off the dirt and presumably priceless vase pieces that were on him. After that, she sat him on the couch and plopped next to him. “You weirdos got wifi?”

 

“NO.” Siimon said once again, not even hearing the perfectly valid question posed by the guest. “Your daughter can not theriouthly be friendth with my thon.” Siimon said, staring at the woman in his doorway angrily, even though she was tickled pink.

 

“Yo Vitamin C. I think my little sis is friends with your other kid. Sollux.” Meenah added, less to help her mother, a lot more cause he didn’t give her the Wifi password immediately upon entry like a good host.

 

“Soooo…. Big guy. Why don’t we discuss the little conversation we had earlier? Hmm?” Connie asked, walking her fingers up Siimon’s chest in a semi-seductive fashion. Her nails meant each step had a bit of a sharp stab to them, and Simon was surprisingly not one of the people that found that seductive.

 

“Why don’t you go fu-” Siimon was so close to saying it. It would’ve been sweeter than all of the mind-honey he did when he was younger.

 

“HEY DAD MEENAH CAME OVER CAN WE HANG OUT?!” Mituna suddenly yelled out towards his definitely not shouting distance away father. A smile on his face that was half permanently plastered, half formed from the idea of companionship.

 

“Sea?” There was nothing in the word see that could make it sound like sea, but somehow Connie could let it show. “So let’s just go and be two adults having a civilized conversation about being hella fuckin rude in front of the school.” Her tone shifted towards the end back to the usual, but luckily Siimon’s ego took that as her being mad at herself.

 

“Fine. You. Me. One hour to talk. Mituna, no more thateboading inthide.” Siimon said, switching between speaking to Connie and his precious baby boy who was almost fully grown.

 

“HMPH!” Mituna responded, kicking his skateboard away in frustration.

 

“Bye Meenah! Play nice with the buoy!” Connie said, waving goodbye as she acted like a caring and supportive mother.

 

“Fish please. I’m yo daughter.” Meenah said, rolling her eyes.

 

“Just don’t break him anymore dammit! I may want more than one with him!” Connie yelled inside, making sure the sound didn’t leave that room before she turned around, ready to drive them into town.

 

“Get in.” Siimon called from his car, the passenger side door already open. The most gentlemanly thing he had done it at least a sweep.

 

“Umm. Excuse me? Why the shell would we take your car?” Connie asked as she walked over. This thing was practically an antique! Old as glubbin dirt! Even if it did look pristine.

 

“Becauthe. After your honking epithode, I’d thooner chop off my bulgeth than be around you in a car.” Siimon said, waiting for her to get in.

 

“Hold up I wasn’t driving down the glubbin road. I was parked at the…Bulges?” The plural(?) he put on the end of that made her curious. She climbed in and bulked up, expecting it to earn her the answer.

 

“It wath a thchool, not a bulge.” Siimon said as he threw the car into reverse and pulled out of the driveway, speeding off down the road, Grand High Sheriff be damned.

 

“I know what the fuck it was, smartass. Look are we gonna talk or we going to do what we both wanna do?” Connie asked as she reached her hand over, rubbing his thigh.

 

“What the hell are you doing? I thought you were going to apologize for being a cunt.” Siimon questioned, then was just left confused. What the hell was this woman trying to accomplish?

 

“Me? Apologize? No no no no no. I’m talking about all these glubbin black feelings we got, Long Legs.” Not yet, the rational part of her mind whispered to the rest of her brain, screaming at her to call him Daddy.

 

“Jeguth you’re pathetic. Thomeone finally tellth you off and you think they want to blackrom you? You’re thick.” Siimon said, taking a sudden turn.

 

“So, you don’t wanna fuck?” Connie asked, equal parts confused and quickly losing interesting in being around him.

 

“Not what I thaid.” Siimon corrected, turning in to town’s motel, situated across the street from the town diner he thought they would be talking this out at. “I thaid you’re thick. But, you’re altho thicc.” Siimon said, killing the car and turning to face her now, sliding his glasses down to see her better up close, his eyes crackling with energy primarily to make him look more badass, as usual. “Bethideth. No way am I going to path up an opportunity to thtick it to a high-blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wiggles eyebrows with the intensity of a thousand suns*


	3. The servant becomes the master -or- In which things are no longer pg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now the beginning of why this story was written in the first place  
> also sorry i don't know how to make colored text ;x;

“Yo. What the hell do you think you’re doin?” Connie asked as Siimon marched over to the little kiosk thing to rent a room. “Why don’t we just go to my place and bang like we aint soporheads?” She questioned, though stayed out of sight of the lowblood who ran this glorified boarding house. She didn’t actually know the blood of who ran the place, but come on, it was a fucking low blood.

 

Siimon rented a room randomly. He didn’t know anything about the motel beside the fact that it existed. It’s not like a horny highblood dropped into his lap so often he had a standing room with a good view of the lake on hold. The fact that this place didn’t charge hourly rates was a good sign at least. Kinda. If he was gonna spend the boondollars on an entire night at the motel… Siimon didn’t like to waste money. He marched out with a smile and a key, as well as an answer. “Eathy. I plan to fuck you like a thoperhead who oweth me money.”

 

Connie stared with a slacked jaw as Siimon walked his way upstairs to the room he just rented. Cod DAMN this pissblood was after her heart. She bounded towards him and took his arm up in both hands. “Well color me surprised, Long Legs. Didn’t expect you to be so fun.”

 

“You know, if thinking Daddy while you thay thomething elthe doethn’t make it leth creepy.” Siimon said, unlocking the door and letting Connie step in first. He got to watch her ass as she did. He was most certainly not wrong about her body. Connie definitely dipped into the sweets her small, but growing, company made to get that behind and those thighs. He followed closely behind and locked the door behind him.

 

“Yeah. But errybody calls they man Daddy. That carp is so overdone. What do you want me to call you, Energizer?” Connie’s smile could’ve engulfed the entire room if it were allowed to leave her face.

 

Siimon. Was. Not. Amused. Without a second thought Connie was thrown on the cheap mattress and summarily pinned by a tall, angry psionic user. Calling a psionic user a battery was one of the worst insults to the caste. You could stab their thigh, say they pissed themselves, and they would be less pissed. Combine that with Siimon’s long history of studying history, and…well… “No. You pathetic fith bitch. You call me your mathter. And don’t you dare make fun of my lithp when you do, or tho help me I’ll leave you here when I’m done.”

 

Connie’s heart was racing. She wanted him riled up, sure. But this is sure as hell not what she had in mind. If she weren’t there with the express intent of fucking him, that comment probably would’ve earned her a beating… It may still, but at least the better kind. “Fine…” She said, angrily. Something deep inside her made calling him that impossible.

 

“Fine what, Calamari?” Siimon asked, a large smile on his face now. High-bloods being called calamari was not comparable to the battery insult, but you take what you can get.

 

“…master” Connie said quickly, under her breath, and with no intention of saying it again. She’d sooner let him shoot genetic material all over her face and march her home.

 

“Good bitch.” Siimon reached around and squeezed Connie’s ass, then pulled her phone from the back pocket. “Meenah ith babythitting tonight. You’re not going home.”

 

Connie gulped hard at that. It wasn’t a request. She was just ordered to do it…

====>

“Mituna this movie is so damn dumb! Bees have their own society? That one straight up trying to get with that troll? Suing trolls over mindhoney?! How in the shell did this even get… Oh no. No no no no no no.” Meenah couldn’t stop the flood of no’s from escaping as she read the message from her mother. She had to go get Feferi and man one big cross blood sleepover? As the only glubbin guardian?! That is not what she agreed to. The amount of cursing between the two over a few short messages was astronomical, but Meenah didn’t have an angry, horny psionic DILF bearing down on her, and as such, was no where near as motivated. She didn’t have a chance.

 

“Ugh. Cod dammit son of a beach. Mituna, we gotta go get my sister. We’re…. having a sleepover.” Meenah hated when her mom won arguments. It was a stain on her record of being the better bitch. Whatever the hell Mituna’s dad was doing, it was working wonders on improving her motivation.

 

“I’LL GO TELL THOLLUX” Mituna said, getting up and running to pry his brother away from his room so they could go get Feferi.

 

“Mituna what the fuck do you want?” Sollux asked, not looking away from his monitor. Mituna never announced his presence. He never needed to. Partly from some psychic connections Gemini siblings could share, partly because Mituna was a loud spastic fuckwit who sounded like a running jackhammer in a dryer.

 

“YOU ME AND MEENAH ARE GOING TO GET HER LITTLE THITHER FOR A THLEEP OVER AND DAD ITH GONE And I broke another vase….” Mituna gave Sollux the quick rundown of the last hour or so’s events in roughly two seconds of near incoherent babble.

 

“Thweet. A girl over. Let me jutht brag to KK and ED right quick. I’ll be out in a couple minuteth.” Sollux said as he began trolling both at once with lightning speed. Bragging about an actual sleepover with an actual girl.

 

CG: NO

TA: yupp

CA: no wway

TA: ye2 way

CG: TOTAL HOOFBEAST SHIT

TA: 0% hoofbea2t 2hiit, 2ame great ta2te

CA: sol if youre lyin to me I swwear to cod I wwill tell fef

TA: ff ii2 2tayiin the niight

TA: bow to your kiing

 

With those simultaneous tauntings over with Sollux strolled out of his room like the coolest kid this side of coolsville. Before Coolsville suffered that terribly ironic mass fire.

 

“Hold still dammit! No! I will glubbin end you Mituna!” Meenah yelled as she fought to buckle in Mituna. Getting him seated in the SUV was bad enough, buckling him in was a second chore. He didn’t know the car. Cars he didn’t know were bad. She apparently didn’t realize this.

 

“BUT THITH ITHNT DADTH CAR!! ITTH NOT THAFE!” Mituna thrashed about as Meenah fought him. He had some surprising physical strength for a low blood. Probably some weird reaction to whatever made him lose his psionics, an area that she was not about to ask about on a car ride.

 

“Are you kiddin me? This thing has more safety features than your house!” Meenah yelled, stepping back and motioning dramatically towards it.

 

“Don’t try and reathon with MT. He’th real thcared of carth. Promith him he’ll be thafe and give him a forehead kith. Thatth what dad doeth.” Sollux said, climbing in the backseat without looking up from his phone.

 

“Yo dad does that? Laaaaame. Ugh.” Meenah finally sighed and leaned forward, planting a kiss right on Mituna’s forehead, past the shaggy hair he somehow cut often enough to keep the length. “I promise your crazy ass will be safe.”

 

“THANKTH MEENAH.” With that, Mituna calmed down and sank into the supple leather of the car.

 

Sollux failed to maintain his laughs as Meenah circled around to the driver’s side. “I can’t believe thhe actually kithed you!”

 

“MEENAH YOUR LIPTH ARE BIGGER THAN LATULA’TH” Mituna said, ignoring Sollux’s quiet little giggling and comments.

 

Meenah gave him a confused stare for a minute. She sometimes forgot he and Latula were still… A thing. That crazy girl was cool to hang out with sometimes, in small doses. It was all girl talk, which she liked every now and then. She just fought a little too hard to be cool. “Why the shell you telling me that?”

 

“I DUNNO. THEY FELT NICE.” Mituna reasoned, looking around the SUV’s modern interior now that he was protected by the magic of a promise.

 

“Well. Don’t go around saying stuff like that. You’ll make Latula all jellyfish and shit.” Meenah said as she cranked the SUV. Thank Cod her mom was dumb enough to leave the keys in, or Feferi would be spending the night alone.

 

“sorry....” Mituna said, putting his head down as far as he could given the circumstances.

 

“Nah nah. We cool Tunafish. Just. Don’t talk about liking something more than your gillfronds. Won’t end whale for ya.” Meenah advised. Mituna never said he liked it more, but Meenah knew. Thicc lips sink all the Ships.

====>

“Jegus what the fuck! You got glubbin two?!” Connie was…Surprised. Kicked up against the headboard of the bed, trying to push even higher. She knew about troll anatomy. She had a tiny little tentabulge, still in sheathe, and a well maintained prominent nook. Men, on the other hand, had more pronounced bulges and much smaller, less pronounced nooks. Everyone got the same bits, but other factors determined if you were a ‘man’ or a ‘woman.’ What she wasn’t used to were men who were apparently so much man that they got seconds on free genitalia day.

 

“Thatth right. Blething of the Gemini.” Siimon said, standing proudly with his bulges on full display. His bulges were indeed a large source of his pride and ego. That and his smarts and psionic capabilities. You know what, he was awesome everyway you look at it actually. Fuck you for making double bulges the only thing that gives him self worth. But, then again, he certainly wouldn’t want one tiny nubby little bulge. Not when he had these two bad boys!

 

“You need to warn a woman before you go around whipping out your two bulges!” Connie started to slide back down the wall. The initial sight was shocking, but it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been eight creepy ass spiderlike ones. Two wasn’t that bad… Fuck she was so crazy scared and horny she was coming around to this freak of nature like it was an improvement.

 

“I do warn women. I don’t warn thlutth. Now come get a clother look.” With that, Siimon took away Connie’s precious freedom of movement and brought her over to him, dropping her down right under his bulges, which, in response, went to work sliding over her face, leaving a trail of the pre-genetic lubricative excretion, or pre, all over her face.

 

“I. You son of a fish I will krill you.” Connie said, limiting how much she spoke. Troll bulges are prehensile in nature. Meaning, if Siimon could catch her off guard, he’d be slithering one of those thick yellow bulges in her mouth. Then, most likely, following it up with the other. She may have the best lips in the town, but that didn’t mean they were trained for two at a time. Nor was she prepared to sign up for that class.

 

“I highly doubt that.” Siimon said, smirking as he bulges tried their best to push into her mouth. The stubborn thing just wouldn’t give, and neither would her mouth. “But if you’re gonna be tho damn thtubborn, thtand up tho I can thrip you.”

 

“Since when the hell do you decide when I… Fuck you.” Connie started to complain, but Siimon simply lifted her up with his powers like she were a damn plaything and dropped her on her feet. 

 

“Thut up and thtand thtill. Wouldn’t want to tear your preciouth clotheth.” Siimon said sarcastically, more sarcastically then he said other things anyway, as he slowly slipped her out of her cardigan then her blouse. Every fiber of his being wanted to tear the stupid thing apart, but he knew he wouldn’t be forgive for that. No mercy for the man who shows no mercy to the cardigan.

 

Connie complied with a bit of reluctance. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of doing this himself, but he was pretty clearly striving for control. This was the best way to ensure at least her clothes would be spared. Standing there topless she, crossed her arms under her breasts, smiling wide. “Big and Beautiful Baby.”

 

Siimon could tell how proud she was of her rumble spheres. While serving an array of useful functions, of which everyone knows so there’s no need to discuss them, the smooth grey orbs brought her too much pride. He did not want her to have pride, so he searched elsewhere. He knelt down and pulled down her skirt swiftly, before she could stop him.

 

“Hey what the-” Before she could finish her protest, Connie was spun around. She looked back and noticed that Ma-…Long Legs, was inspecting her. “I’m not a piece of meat for you to inspect, ya know?!” She yelled, louder than intended. The sudden downgrade in treatment was throwing her off.

 

Siimon could sense when he was making someone uncomfortable. It was a magical gift really. One he had been using for years. This, was making her VERY uncomfortable, which was good. “Yeah. You’re right. Doethn’t mean I won’t check out your rump roatht.” He said, smacking her on her wide ass.

 

“Gah! Don’t you ever glubbin refer to my body like that you, you-” Connie was stumbling. It had taken too quick a turn. Most of the people she decided to sleep with were constantly terrified of her. It was a pain sometimes, but it’s how she liked it. Even when a man took control, he took control of a bull on mind honey on the edge of a spikepit. A fun, once and a lifetime ride that would leave you hospitalized if you were lucky. This pissblood wasn’t scared. He was about to fuck generations of oppression right out of her.

 

Another quick smack on the ass left her replacing whatever insult she may have conjured with a yelp and an immediately reflex covering it. “Thexual Deviant. Now thtop whining, we’re jutht getting thtarted.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eyebrows have reached maximum wiggling velocity*


	4. New stuff among the highbloods -or- in which a partial lemon introduces the Amporas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry

Your name is Feferi Peixes. You were left at home while your mother and sister ran off to do some errand. You didn’t mind. Being left alone was common enough that you could almost consider it normal. Nothing in your life stayed normal for long.

 

“Get ready gill, the captor boys and I are heading to steal you away from the safe hive and spend a whole day surrounded by boys.” Was the text your sister had just sent you. It made so little sense you briefly considered it was a prank text.

 

You begin packing just in case. Packing for a stay at a landdwellers house was a little different than staying at a fellow seadweller’s. For one, you had to pack upstairs if you wanted to not carry a big thing of sea-water in a suitcase to dump in their house. Your mother’s house was a sort of Iceberg design. Some of it showed off the top, but that was no where near all of it. She had a few floors built underground and had them transformed into a sea-dweller friendly home. Completely submerged like a two-story pool with rooms aplenty.

 

The top ‘base’ floors of the house were still furnished. Connie was just as much for showing off the success of her growing baked goods business as she was trying to live comfortably. It was showier than the others in that part of town. The part where the wealthy and the highbloods congregate. Low-bloods are of course not banned. They just need to afford the home and deal with the ~~casteist neighbors~~ local charm.

 

Feferi packed a recuperabag, name-brand, for when she had sleepovers. Beyond that she packed her spare goggles, a change of clothes, and other necessities.

 

“Holy thit your place ith big.” Sollux said as he finally looked up from the phone, noticing now the three-story tall McMansion of a place they lived on. Despite being friends with fef, he’d never actually been over.

 

“Five-stories buoy. Wait here while I go fishing.” Meenah said as she parked the car. She’d invite them in, but the idea of needing to make sure Mituna didn’t destroy the place while she got Fef seemed like it would at least triple the amount of time necessary and that could lead to those two sleeping over. No. Glubbin. Way. “Fef move yo ass!”

 

Feferi had just packed the last of her things when Meenah yelled out. Luckily, she was in the dry portion of the house, otherwise that wall shaking yell would’ve been for nothing. “Coming Meenah!” Feferi called as she went downstairs, bags in her hands.

 

“Dam gill, didn’t expect you to pack anything.” Meenah said, cocking her eyebrows at her little sister. She knew her recuperacoon bag, and she didn’t typically pack anything more than that.

 

“Oh. Umm. Well I haven’t ever stayed the night with Sollux. I wasn’t sure what all I would or wouldn’t need so I packed it all.” Feferi said, heading for the door.

 

“What the shell you need to stay with him?” Meenah asked, jerking the bag away to try and take a peak.

 

“It’s nothing! I.. It’s makeup alright? I don’t reely have to put it on at Eridan’s…not like I could anyway. Over at Sollux’s, I may get to alright? That’s all.” Feferi said, yanking the bag back.

 

“Oh, for glub’s sake. You have a crush on that nerd? Gill I outta run away. They gotta be putting out some weird ass yellow blood hormones for this to happen twice to us.” Meenah mumbled as she headed back for the door and initiated the night mode on the house. With the sun being the indiscriminate bastard that it is, sealing your house off from all the light as possible is a necessity. Most trolls go ahead and call the nocturnal period in which the town is lit up by a powerful grid the day, and the scorching, naturally lit period the night. Hundreds of sweeps ago, without these grids, it would’ve been the other way around. But with the luxury of artificial day, the period where almost no one can stay outside safely got the night title.

 

“I do not!” Feferi yelled, hitting Meenah’s arm in a more playful than angry way. She didn’t really want to hurt her after all. Just not to jump to such rash decisions.

 

“I hope so. Latula would be all up in my business if I started getting all goo goo for her tu-tu.” Meenah said, now focusing on how she would be affected. Back to normal.

 

Back at the motel, Connie Peixes, the would-be Empress of the entire planet, was being felt up and demeaned by a filthy piss-blood father of two she didn’t know the name of in a cheap motel. If she didn’t have his fingers prodding at her from both signs she’d be examining this herself, and question her actions up until this point.

 

“I. Cod I swear if you don’t make this the best.” Connie was having a hard time speaking. Siimon was doing double trouble. His left hand was threatening to breach her backdoor. An act which had the shameful response of making her bulge unfurl. His right hand was lightly stroking the small tentabulge, letting it slide between his fingers as he took his pleasure watching her.

 

“Whatth the matter? Ith the big bad empreth unable to last long? Do you need a battery?” Siimon asked as he felt her genetic material ooze out. The beginning of a half pail full of the fuchsia liquid.

 

“Heh. Heh. Never had a man so interested. In my bulge.” Connie was grasping at straws for resistance. She had begun to thrust into his hand slightly, in which he would move his left hand a little closer on the back thrust. She’d be literally fingering her own ass with his fingers if she got any hornier.

 

“You mithtake thith for intereth. I jutht want you ready to pop when I dethtroy you.” Siimon said, finger finally slipping in to her ass. That’s when Connie made a sound that closely resembled a scree.

 

Connie shuddered with shame. She had one or two explorations where Long Legs was probing, sure. She had been drunk a few times, and let no name number whatever give it a try. She was always just a bit too tight. They were just a bit too nervous. Either way, sober and filled with shame as she was, some ass play was not quite the kinky adventure as it was in the past. “O-okay big guy. Enough of that now.. You win. Lets bang.” That was it, she was ready to call it quits and just have some normal fucking.

 

“Yeah. I think you’re right.” Siimon let go of her bulge and walked behind her. Slowly he pulled the finger out and gripped her hips, pulling her to his crotch. His twin bulges went up and started pushing at the same opening his finger had pre-slicked with a little of his spit. “Time to dethtroy your ath like I promithed.”

 

“What?! I never said you could shove those in my AAHHHHHHH!” That was the last half-way coherent sentence she’d be able to speak that day. No matter how many times she let some johnny come quickly stick his bulge half-way in her rear before it was too tight for him to last, she wasn’t ready for the Blessing of The Gemini. The Two Hit Combo. Double the Trouble. Two huge tentabulges pushing in at the same time with little care of the logistics.

 

Meanwhile again, at a Diner run by a hoof-beast loving family across the street from the small town’s motel.

 

Your name is Eridan Ampora. Son of Duncan Ampora. Brother of… another Ampora you won’t brag about being relative of. Your family settled in a small coastal town for a few major reasons. Sea-Dwellers naturally prefer them. Your father’s small business of fishing is set up here. It’s far enough away from the big cities to avoid the hate that Higherbloods can sometimes get. You’re a superior being in a society that doesn’t recognize it like it would have in the past. Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you’re an asshole who’s pissed off he’s not an asshole with even more privilege.

 

“Dad. Wwhy do wwe alwways gotta come here and eat? It’s not evven the loww-bloods at this point. It’s the fact that wwe alwways come to the same place.” Eridan complained, staring at his plate.

 

Your name is Duncan Ampora. You are a violet blooded troll. You are very proud of your blood caste. Not for the same reasons some of the other trolls are. You are proud that you get to sail the seas, dive into its depths, and live a life of freedom. You do not hate lower-caste trolls. You pity the lot of them for being worse off. The only time you’d even be upset by their presence would be at sea, where you have the benefit of being in your environment.

 

“Eridan. You knowv wvhy. I wvork my fingers to the bone catching these fish. I supply Decker wvith a high-quality product at a lowv price. So, I wvill take my added perk of free meals at a fine establishment for as long as it is awvailable.” Duncan said, on edge from the earlier encounter today, and with the overall state of his family. His son, Eridan, was incurably castist and unfortunately teaching it out of him would do more harm than good. The way he planned to live his life had him around far more upper class than lower class trolls. Upper class trolls who sympathize with the low-bloods were hated to say the least. They hated low bloods for reducing their statuses. It was long enough ago to have been under an entirely different empress, but the wounds are deep. Aside from that…There was his other son.

 

“I don’t know vwhat you’re complainin about, bro. Fish are delicious.” Cronus said, snapping cutting off a piece of and taking a large bite, making a point to chew it extra loud.

 

“Oh, don’t evven act like that’s supposed to offend me, Cro. For one, fish eat eachother all the glubbin time. Twwo, wwe’re sea-dwwellers, not… vvegans. And third and most importantly. YOU ARE A SEADWWELLER YOU DUMB ASS!” Eridan was on another tear about his brother and his obsession with these weird “Human” things he found online. Weird monkey people that do a whole slew of things so differently they’re practically aliens.

 

Your name is Decker Zahhak. Owner and manager of Decker’s Diner. You run the small restaurant with your two sons, and have for a few sweeps now. The business is more of a side project. Offering an affordable service to the small town that at the same time provides you with a localized income and roots in the community. Fish from the Violet blooded Amporas, Meat from the Olive blooded Leijons. Locally sourcing means keeping prices low for everyone. Maybe too low. After a few minutes of shouting, you were asked to do something about the Violet bloods in the booth, and couldn’t help but to comply. “Umm. Excuse me, Mr. Ampora and Sons. While we certainly appreciate your business, I must ask you to consider the others. Many people are trying to enjoy their dinners, and you are disturbing them.”

 

Duncan shot glares at his sons, keeping either of them from speaking up in their own defense. When it came to commanding them, Duncan sometimes needed an outside hand. Once they started, it riled him up and he could only argue as childishly as they did. “Apologies, Decker. Wve wvon’t disturb anyone else. Wvill wve boys?” Duncan asked, making them nod.

 

“Thank you, Highblood. Enjoy your-” Decker had just successfully quieted a rambunctious group of highbloods when the squeal of another penetrated through the windows of the diner, causing everyone to look around unnerved. Highbloods don’t typical scream a lot. Yell, yes. Scream, no. “Oh my. What was that?”

 

Duncan looked away from Decker towards the sound. That was a highblood in pain. It wailed out just once, which was odd. If a sea-dweller was in trouble, instincts practically demanded they call for back-up. Numbers were safety. “Shhh. If wve hear it again, wve call the sheriff.” Duncan hated thinking it about his best friend, but cod he hoped that no one called him.

 

“Jeguth chrith you’re a loud one.” Siimon said, hands on his ears with his bulges firmly plunged in Connie’s ass.

 

She was loud. She was impossibly loud. It wasn’t her fault. That was a reflex. Anyone would scream if they were attacked. Double anal was quite the attack in her book. “I. Why. Fucker.” Connie was stuck between wanting to know why he was so damn cruel, and not giving two fucks and killing him dead.

 

“Cauthe. You thould learn thome fucking humility, and I jutht fucking love to teach.” Siimon said, leading her over to the bed. The lack of a recuperacoon was not uncommon amongst motels. No highblood would ever stay in one, and lowbloods didn’t need the sleep in sopor as often. So, what they got were soft places to lie down and sleep unaided by the sopor.

 

“Teach. Me. What. Asshole.” Connie struggled the words out as she felt Siimon pull back. For a glorious moment she was left unsodomized. Then she was promptly flipped over, giving Siimon a full view of her sweaty form. Her cheeks were flushed, her face was soaked in sweat, she looked a mess.

 

“Fuck you’re hot.” Siimon muttered, trying to keep the compliment under his breath. “I’m trying to teach you that you aren’t better than anyone. That you aren’t owed anything.” Siimon pressed back up to her ass, ready to push right back in.

 

“No no no no no. Come on. Don’t do that again. I learned my lesson. Honest.” Lying came easily to Connie. She hadn’t learned any profound lesson here. Except that maybe, just maybe, she would not be fucking with this pissblooded monster in any way, shape, or form after this. She didn’t even want revenge. She wanted her ass, and whatever dignity she could salvage, spared.

 

“Itth okay. We’re about to finithh your first leththon.” Siimon started to pull himself forward, filling her waste chute with thick, pulsating bulge. He moved his hand to her own bulge and gave it a light stroke.

 

“Unf! Don’t. Don’t. Oh no you son of mmmgha!” Connie was hoping for what came after. Maybe in a different way. Definitely a different way… Fuchsia colored genetics shot up and on her own face, aimed by a quick hand. She reflexively curled her legs around the waist of what’s his name then let herself go limp otherwise. She was so tired.

 

Siimon contemplated what he should do. That was honestly quicker than he expected. He thought he’d be going at her a while longer before she blew. Now he was left with two hard bulges and a woman who was practically unconscious. “Unf. Damn highbloodth.” Siimon groaned as he pulled out. He’d fuck her when she was clawing and biting and screaming. Fucking her when she was like this was both no fun, and would ruin his plan to knock her down a peg. But since he didn’t want to hang about and wait for her to wake up, he had to go ‘finish’ in the bathroom. Seeing as she was nude, covered in genetic material, and in the middle of town he knew the chances of her leaving were slim. He could always go across the street to the diner…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire thing was so Connie would be humiliated and I ain't even (totally) ashamed


	5. Obligatory 413 chapter -or- In which Eridan is a jealous bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 413!  
> end my suffering....

Decker’s Diner was not the biggest, fanciest place to eat. This was by design, however. Harbor towns had dwindled in size until it was a few highblood families and a fair amount of encroaching lowbloods. A lowblood who lived by the sea was unheard generations ago. With the past few generations they paid exorbitantly high taxes and were commonly harassed. Now, with the council settling out more and more of the differences, low bloods and high blood land-dwellers were venturing closer and closer to the seaside. The only price is the agreement to ban all sea pollution. The issue was hotly debated for sweeps, but the sea-dwelling councilman would not let up. Pollution would not enter the sea. After all, land-dwellers don’t regularly walk through garbage dumps, why should they swim through them?

The diner was frequented by all the locals, who enjoyed the variety offered by locally sourced providers. Delila Leijon, ‘Crazy Kook’ of the woods would bring in a whole assortment of monstrous animals which Decker, Horuss, and Equius would strip off all the fur, scales, or exoskeletons and harvest any salvageable meat. This arrangement had led to a friendship with Delila and Decker, the former of which would invite the latter to hunt, much to his chagrin. 

Your name is Delila Leijon. You are a rowdy, energetic purrfect example of an outdoor loving troll. Though the outdoors isn’t your only love. Two lovely daughters. A quirky preacher. Ships. And friends! 

“Awwwww. Come on Decker, pwweeease! I bet you’d like it in the woods. It’s freeing!” Delila was known for her free nature. She had a reputation for living off the grid, hunting with her bare claws, and being all but a criminal when it came to common practice. If the Sheriff knew where she lived, she’d be in real trouble. Luckily, she stepped lightly, and the Sheriff wasn’t exactly the type of person to track down someone for anything less than a subjuggulation. Breaking the law in this town carried one of two outcomes. You’d get away free, or you’d face the wrath of the clown. 

“I. I do not think so, Miss Leijon. I’m not one for being out in the wilderness, and… I do not have it in me to hunt anymore.” Decker tried to explain without delving into the nitty details. He hunted quite a lot when he was a younger lad, but he no longer wished to pick up a bow. “If you would like to do some other kind of pastime, I would happily join you.” Decker tried to offer, hoping to convince her of a different way to pass the time.

“You’re a sour puss sometimes, Decker.” Delila complained, sliding herself down the bar. Making her lamentation even more dramatic by feigning death. Complete with a stuck out tongue and her best attempt at X’ing her eyes.

The door chimed behind her as Siimon entered. He was shirtless, which was fine. He didn’t have shoes on, which was fine. He didn’t have a smile on his face, which was fine. Despite the sign posted about the No Shirt, No Shoes, No Smile, No Service policy. In any other establishment, it would be legally binding and nonnegotiable in the Diner… Siimon strolled inside and gave a wave to Decker, who gave a quick smile and a nod to the shirtless, lanky gold-blood breaking all the rules. He was sort of busy with a moping cat-troll whom was on the verge of being his moirail.

“Bloody hell in a handbasket.” Duncan cursed as he tried to scoot in a bit closer to the wall. Eridan got the outer seat due to his tiny bladder. There’s few people who he’d hide from. Any number of his exes. People from the council. The Sheriff. His sons’ principal… The list was larger than he first thought.

“wwhat’s wwrong?” Eridan asked, looking around. He noticed Sol’s dad lumbering in to sit at the counter, shirtless and sweaty. “Ugh. You wwonder wwhy I detest these savvages… wwait, wwhere is Sol?” Eridan craned his head to look for the two-obsessed liar who had to be accompanying his dad. The alternative was he was telling the truth, but that was impossible.

“I’ll tell you vwhat’s vwrong. Dad is getting ready to kick some ass.” Cronus said, leaning back in the booth and jabbing his shoulder across the table. “So movwe your ass, bro. He’s getting angsty.”

Cod dammit son of a fish smuggling jelly sucker he was going to cull that kid. Duncan didn’t like confrontation. He liked to handle things from very far away with as little personal involvement as possible. Especially when it came to situations like this. He wasn’t a weakling. He was a sea-dweller after all. But to say he could win in a fist fight with one of, if not the most powerful psionic user in the town was like saying Cronus could get a date. Not bloody likely. When Eridan moved he knew waste was about to hit the fan, so he scooted out of the booth to sit by Siimon. 

“One Appleberry Blatht.” Siimon said, ordering one of the Diner’s signature treats from Horuss, who was deemed the more socially competent one to take a customer’s order when Decker was indisposed. Equius had a few issues with taking orders… He glanced over at Duncan, who sit next to him. “Ahh thhit itth you again. Look if you wanna take thith outthide or whatever thatth fine. But I am eating my food firtht.” Siimon wasn’t a pacifist. He’d fight this fucker right here if he thought he had to. But getting banned from like, the only good diner was not something he wanted to do. 

“No no. Nothin like that, mate. Wve’s just gonna have a chat. That kind of language you used wvas unacceptable wvhen addressing a lady.” Duncan wanted to try and defend Connie’s honor once more. He figured the environment better fit a good talking to than a brawl. Something he could explain to his kids too. 

“Eh. I’ve called more ladylike people much worthe… Called her much worthe a little while ago actually.” Siimon couldn’t help but smile like a clown on drugs at his own little inside joke. Not that he planned to keep it inside for long.

“Wvhen the hell did you do that?” Hearing that made Duncan angry. Even if it was a lie, which is most likely was. 

“Umm. A little while ago? Are you deaf or thomething? Thorry I didn’t record it to thow you…” Note to thelf, record the hell out of it when you go back. 

“Don’t jerk me around, Simon. I’m not in the mood for games. I expect an apology. Not to me, but Connie. Ya gotta knowv she wasn’t honking at you. Lass wvould sooner drive around you and flip ya off.” Duncan was relieved he could get a word in edgewise. Even if those words were about how rather than being honked at, he’d have rude gestures shot at him. Not the greatest defense…

“Mmm. Thank you Horuss.” Siimon said, ignoring Duncan even though he was listening to him. He paid for his Red and Blue treat, with a decent tip, and turned towards Duncan. “Hey. Bleeding Heart. I know that. It wathn’t the point. The point ith that baring down on your horn when you’re behind thomeone ith a thit move for thit people, and that bitch ithn’t immune to people calling her out on it.” Siimon said, scooping some frozen confectionary into his mouth as he stared down his sworn… annoyance?

Duncan was flabbergasted. Befuddled. Shook. So many slang terms he heard the kids say. “That’s wvorse you twvat! Don’t you knowv you need to pick your bloody battles?” Duncan was quite aware of Connie’s mannerisms. They were abrasive at best. But he believed, at thought others should as well, that they should be overlooked. Fuchsias were the rarest, least represented caste now. “She’ll be getting grief for thousands of swveeps, she doesn’t need you adding on to it.” Duncan began to spin and get up when Siimon’s palm slammed into his shoulder. Physically speaking it was only enough to stop the spin and surprise him, low bloods aren’t the strongest after all, but the act itself was enough to make Duncan stare in shock.

“That may be true. I thure ath thit hope it ith. But I’m Half Dead already. I don’t have time to play nice with people who are going to outlive my entire fucking family tree. Tho the next time you tell me to play nice with a higher blood, go eat a bag of bulgeth.” With that, Siimon turned back and worked on finishing his dessert.

Duncan didn’t have a comeback. To speak again was to fall back down the path of him piling on point after point. Fucking gold bloods and their ability to find logic and reason…

“Oh. By the way.” Siimon stood up quickly and angrily. “I’m fucking that thtuck up bitch and jutht came over for a thnack.” With that drop of the mic Siimon headed for the door. Drunk on power and apple-berry.

“Umm. Excuse me, Mr. Captor. I would like to request that you cease the lewd language. It is not suitable for all patrons.” Decker tried to enforce the unspoken rules of the bar as Siimon was leaving the diner.

“Oh. Thorry Decker. I’ll try and uthe lethth lewd language while I FUCK THE HIGHETHT BLOODED BITCH UP THE WATHTE CHUTE TILL HER EYES TURN YELLOW WITH MY GENETIC FUCKING MATERIAL!” Siimon yelled out, on the warpath. He normally would’ve apologized for the outburst and been on his way. This was not one of those days. Instead he barged out and headed back to the motel.

“I. I.” Decker was shaking where he stood. “Thank you, son.” Decker said as he took the towel offered by his son. Horuss had learned to keep spare towels on hand. They were life savers. 

“You’re welcome, Dad. I’m sure he did not mean those lewd things. The next time he comes in, we shall get a formal apology.”

“Yes. That sounds like a good idea. Now please, go calm your brother. He surely has been…made uncomfortable by this ordeal.” It was at that moment a large crash could be heard from the kitchen. 

“Of course. I would recommend ordering more of the potatoes. They are his go to in times of duress.” Horuss said, heading back to the kitchen to settle his brother.

“But. We needed those potatoes…” Decker lamented, looking back at the crushed bag of potatoes, now reduced to being only one of the many amazing forms of potato.

“Umm… Hey pop. Vwhat the hell vwas that?” Cronus asked his dad, who walked back to the table and proceeded to put down the tip and grab the check.

“That wvas a wvee spat. Can’t go bustin heads in the diner. That’s just uncouth. Nowv finish your meals. It’s best wve take our leave.” Duncan said, turning to go outside, bill comped thanks to the deal.

“Hey, Cro. Do you think wwhat that filthy low-blood said wwas. True?” Eridan asked, a little more nervous than he had been. Sure, those Gold bloods were chronic liars, but that was a bold lie to shout at the top of his lungs in a public place. And it was well choreographed with Sol’s total lie about Fef staying the night, given the reason. And… Fuck.

“I don’t knovw little bro. Seemed like he vwas pretty sure of it. Also seems like something you don’t say lightly.”

Eridan pulled out his phone and double checked the earlier messages. There was no way… “Let’s hurry up and go.” Eridan said, worry in his voice as he got up and chased after his dad, leaving his plate mostly unfinished.

Duncan was going through his keyring in the parking lot when his sons came rushing out. Eridan was, unsurprisingly, in a bigger rush. “Wvhat do ya want, son?” Duncan asked on reflex, able to tell he was about to be asked for something.

Eridan caught his breath after the short sprint out to catch his father, then began to tap his pinkies together as he looked all around. “Umm. Wwell. I’d like to stay wwith a friend tonight.”

“Ha. Bro, if you vwanna lie you should havwe a friend first.” Cronus spat out with a toothy smile on his face.

“Yeah, like you havve friends to hang out wwith, Cro!” Eridan spat back, wiping the grin off his face.

Duncan sighed and unlocked the cargo van, allowing them to climb in. “Wvho do you wvant to stay wvith, son?” 

“My friend, Sol..” Eridan said, climbing in first. He didn’t want his dad asking too many questions. It would not help his case.

“Hmm…” Duncan let Cronus in and shut the door behind him. He had to give it some thought. He didn’t know much about this Sollux boy. He’d surely need to meet him and his parents in person before… Was that Connie?

“Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.” Connie cursed at herself openly as she tried to sneak away from the motel. They were starting to kill the streetlamps, which was a double-edged sword. Less light for people to see her in was good. The fact that they only kill those shortly before the sun rose and being outside was essentially an invitation to do permanent damage to anyone not in a vehicle or with the right protective equipment was a bad thing. She’d either need to make it home within half an hour or slip back up to the room with that forked tongue devil. And she’d at least want clothing not stained with her own genetic material for round two. 

Siimon had delayed heading upstairs to go to the vending machine. He needed something to wash down the snack since he didn’t get a chance to order a drink in the diner. He struggled to decide between a few things. He settled on the lemonade to combat the sweetness from earlier. Besides, whatever the hell that Red Pop thing was, it gave him a bad feeling in his stomach. He rounded the corner, can of not quite cold enough lemonade in hand, and spotted Connie trying to sneak away. “Oh, hey there, thweetie pie. Are you trying to run away?” He asked, smirking as he walked casually towards her.

“What? Naw Naw. Never… Maybe…” Connie was not good at lying after she got caught. Siimon threw his arm around her and offered up some of the lemonade, which she reluctantly downed. She was in just as much need of fluids as him, if not more. She sweat through quite a lot of them.

“Well you’re gonna need to be punithed.” Siimon said just before they re-entered the room, closing the door.

Duncan had spent sweeps upon sweeps both on and in the sea. But that was a fucking horrifying terror. Damn his super hearing… He climbed in the van and growled angrily under his breath. “Eridan. It wvould be best if you wvere far awvay tonight. Wvhere is this friend of yours?”

“He’s in the main part of town. Thank Cod he’s at least not one of the poor loww-bloods.” Eridan said, taking small comfort in that as he leaned back in his seat.

“Ah. That helps a lot son. Thanks.” Duncan said with a sigh. His son’s classist attitude mixing with his castist attitude all topped with the inability to get out his bloody phone and find out an actual address. Extraordinary. 

 

“Yeah, tho like. Thith ith my place. It’th pretty okay I guethth.” Sollux said, carrying some of Feferi’s things for her inside. He was kind of nervous about having a girl over for the first time, but he was playing it cool.

“MEENAH ARE YOU THLEEPING IN MY COON??” Mituna asked from just outside, since Meenah was taking her time watching her sister and the young captor flirt like they were kids or something. 

Meenah snapped out of the gaze and turned to the Captor. “Damn, Tunafish. You move fast.” She said, smirking a bit. She knew he was a pervy troll. Hell, the entire school knew he and Latula would go at it any chance they got, but this was wild. 

“FATTH? BUT WE DON’T HAVE TO THLEEP FOR A FEW MORE HOURTH” Mituna said, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

“Oh. You meant to actually sleep…” Meenah scratched her necked and looked away, then was saved by the bell. The doorbell to be specific. “I’ll get it.” She said, motioning for Mituna to stay put while she got the door. 

Eridan was brooding outside the door, angry that Sollux had the gall to not lie to him earlier! As soon as the door opened he rushed inside, taking note of Meenah’s presence as additional proof. “wwhere is he?” He asked, needing directions to the room. 

“Umm. First door on the left, little guy.” Meenah said, watching Cronus’s little brother march in, assuming he was invited by Tuna’s little bro. She then turned her attention back to the door, where Duncan had been waiting, unnoticed since Eridan barged in. “Hey there, Amp Man.”

“Hello, Meenah. You’re looking wvell. You’re babysitting for Mr. Captor?” Duncan asked, trying to hide his knowledge. 

“Fancy way to say helping him get laid.” Meenah said, rolling her eyes. Her brutal honesty was not always the best quality.

“…Have a nice night, Meenah.” Duncan said, turning around and walking away.

“See ya around Mr. Ampora.” Meenah said, waving goodbye and shutting the door.


End file.
